I have anxiety-induced insomnia and sleep-deprivation-induced anxiety. It’s a vicious cycle. I’m not always sure what triggers my bouts of sleeplessness, but I know as soon as they’ve been activated.
For awhile, all is well. Then one night, right after I lay my head down, I’m hit with the first pang of anxiety.
I lie on my back with my head ear-muffed inside the MRI scanner, listening to bad club music, trying not to laugh, and thinking about death. The awkward redheaded technician is visible as a shapeshifting shadow through the glass. They’ve provided a mirror inside the machine so I can see them and not have a panic attack.
Content note: this piece contains negative self-talk as well as discussion of panic attacks and mental health issues. I woke up last night to a full blown panic attack. I had fallen asleep with some sad feelings. I was in a bit of a funk but didn’t know exactly why. I had some theories. I decidedContinue reading “Panic”