I Come Back Again

I leave the city in summer and return to winter (but do not fear, I was not gone for more than 21 consecutive days). The snow is here, the leaves are gone, and the moisture has been pulled from the air–frozen. I buy a great big bag of salt while out with a friend andContinue reading “I Come Back Again”

Anxiety > Insomnia > Anxiety: Capitalism?

I have anxiety-induced insomnia and sleep-deprivation-induced anxiety. It’s a vicious cycle. I’m not always sure what triggers my bouts of sleeplessness, but I know as soon as they’ve been activated.

For awhile, all is well. Then one night, right after I lay my head down, I’m hit with the first pang of anxiety.

Non-Monogamy, Jealousy, and Security

Nonmonogamy is stressful. Monogamy is also stressful.
Monogamy stresses me out because it doesn’t feel quite right to me, doesn’t fit quite naturally. It feels like a lot of pressure, like this person is now the only person and that’s it and you will never get to explore anyone else. Nonmonogamy gives me the space to breathe. I don’t have to feel guilty about liking other people. It takes the pressure off of a single relationship and allows me to feel more at ease, more myself, but it also has its stressors: fear, jealousy, complication, worry, what if my partner leaves me?

Panic

Content note: this piece contains negative self-talk as well as discussion of panic attacks and mental health issues. I woke up last night to a full blown panic attack. I had fallen asleep with some sad feelings. I was in a bit of a funk but didn’t know exactly why. I had some theories. I decidedContinue reading “Panic”